An Open Letter to the Lonelies

This letter is to the one sitting in the back of the room. To the one standing alone, observing the world going round -- without them involved. This letter is to you who rarely speaks a word because no one dares breathe one in your direction.

You precious, significant soul. 

My heart breaks for you. It breaks for you in a way that none other can ever compare. 

It's so difficult to throw yourself out there, to wear your heart out on your sleeve, to be vulnerable in front of a people who fail to understand -- a people who might never understand.

It's so hard to crack a cheesy joke, laugh your obnoxious laugh, or dance your favorite jig because maybe they'll think yours doesn't make any sense. Or maybe in their eyes, you'll be too loud, too weird, too abnormal to continue to hang out with. 

Maybe you can't volunteer to play that game because you'll mess up and your team will tear you to pieces for costing them the win. 

You can't share a secret because no one has ever dealt with the same stuff that you have and if they knew who you really were you'd be ostracized and persecuted -- so you stay out of their lives anyway.

I know you. 

I've been a lonely before,

and in a lot of ways I still am lonely. 

I know because for a little under a year I struggled with an addiction to pornography. At the same time, I was a 10-year old girl. I felt like my parents would hate me, my friends would ditch me, and my church family would resent me. In my childlike eyes, my sin tainted my very being and I couldn't speak about it in fear of ending up alone. To avoid the emptiness of being left by everyone I loved, I isolated myself from them. I walked away -- and ended up lonely anyway.

I know because on the first day of seventh grade I sat alone in a room full of strangers, anxiously waiting for a familiar face to walk through the door of my homeroom class. Instead a girl strutted in asking the "popular" table who she'd sit with if they didn't pull up a chair and when one of them suggested me, she looked me in the eye and replied, "No, she's ugly". For the rest of the day and for the majority of the year, I sat alone.  

I know because my freshman year in the high school department at church was spent on the back row. I hated going, I hated the "church faces", and I hated the fact that I failed to fit in to the place that was supposed to feel the most like home. 

My loneliness is not my story though -- and neither is yours. 

Our loneliness here on Earth is a testament to the never-ending pursuit of our Friend and Father who will one day be with us for the rest of eternity.

I know this to be true because as a 10-year old girl sobbing in her bedroom in the middle of the night, begging her Heavenly Father to save her orphaned soul, He did. And it was in the most embarrassing way possible because no one wants to look their dad in the eye and tell him that they'd been watching people on the internet committing vulgar and tasteless acts. But He saved me because despite my own personal vulgar and tasteless act -- He is still good. 

I know this to be true because even though I walked the halls of seventh grade by myself, in eighth He blessed me with the kind of best friend that lasts for life. And we have our differences and issues but I have no doubt in my mind that if I need her, she will be there and the same will be reciprocated for her. 

--My sophomore year of high school, He blessed my with a core friend group including two other girls who pursue The Lord and walk life with me. 

I know this to be true because at the end of my freshman year as I was sitting in the darkness on a Wednesday night worshipping The Lord by myself, I saw out of the corner of my eye one of the senior guys at the time turn towards one of the sophomore girls and ask her to go sit with me. And she did. 

So maybe right now you're drowning in solitude. 

But know that The Lord is your ultimate companion. Because He provides for all of our needs, and even if His plan for right now is that you walk some miles without the company of other human beings, He'll be with you every step of the way.

So please throw the frisbee as hard as you can in that game of frisbee golf -- aim for someone's hands but if you miss, brush it off and let your team's frustration roll off you like the sweat dripping off your brow.

Laugh as loudly as you want because eventually everyone else will be laughing too and even though it might be at you, they'll like your uniqueness and consider you genuine for it -- if they're cool. Feel free to throw in a snort every once in a while to keep them on their toes. 

And hey, I'm still struggling with this too because its life and life is hard so know that you aren't walking through loneliness alone.

Because you are not alone.

Sincerely,
                  A fellow wayfaring stranger